Veronica is my alter ego – she says the things I have always longed to say and does the things I’ve always longed to do! When she isn’t whizzing around the world in her private jet full of boy toys, she’s yelling at crows (they are so loud at 5 am!) and sneering at what other people are buying in the grocery store. Here is her take on the Six of Wands…
Anna K Tarot
Do you remember that obnoxious scene in Titanicwhere Leo Dicaprio shouts “I’m the king of the world!” from the bow of the ship? And then dies later?
Well, that’s what this card reminds me of.
And do you know someone in your life who is an annoying overachiever? Some dick who runs marathons, buys “investment properties” and has a “career”?
I know, those people are everywhere!
Or heaven forbid, maybe YOU are an overachiever. It’s okay, there’s still hope for you.
The Six of Wands depicts the fleeting glee that arises when you “succeed” on society’s terms.
It’s all sunshine and silken red loincloths at first, but then you realize that being successful isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. In fact, it demands a certain amount of those sinister traits called responsibility and maturity. Um, yuck. No thanks.
If your “success” brings you more unpleasantness – like more work, more busy-ness, less free time, etc – then you need to re-think what success really means for you.
My personal idea of success is long stretches of uninterrupted free time, anonymity, fancy bedding and not giving a shit about what others think of me.
Veroncia is my evil twin/alter ego who writes awful Tarot readings on Friday’s. She loves sneering at happy couples, eavesdropping on her neighbor’s fights and ignoring everyone on Facebook. Yes, she is totally evil…
Anna K Tarot
The Six of Swords reminds me of my favorite super-bitchy spiritual saying “wherever you go, you take yourself with you.”
We all know some jerk who’s always spouting off about how this place sucks and why it’s way better someplace else.
Or maybe you do this.
Have you ever found yourself day-dreaming about having a different job, romantic partner or body?
Well guess what?
It’s easy to romanticize something that you don’t have to encounter every fucking day. The reality is never the juicy utopia of your fantasies!
And here’s the bombshell…if your not awesome, your surroundings never will be.
So if you find yourself in a state of transition, which the Six of Swords suggests, don’t get your panties in a twist trying to change everything and everyone around you.
Instead, transform yourself. Be more fabulous.
But how?!you ask.
Veronica’s Rules For Being More Fabulous
1. Stop going on Facebook. It’s just people’s boring wedding and baby pictures anyway.
2. Start using cash to pay for things….and always keep it stuffed in your bra (or jock strap).
3. Read smutty books in the break room at work and conduct live “readings” whenever possible!
Yep, just three rules. Should be simple for you. Good luck 😉
Veronica is a free spirited tramp who loves to eavesdrop in coffee shops, lead young men astray and of course…read Tarot! Since she’s my evil twin/alter ego, I let her spew her mystical ramblings every Friday on my blog…
When was the last time you engaged yourself in the spirit of play?
When you were six?
This particular Six of Cups reminds me of all the times I have visited the beach and observed children absorbed in adventurous play….
While their parent just sits there – a grumbling, defeated lump on the beach – affixed to their iphone.
This weekend, get outside and play…
Write scandalous messages in the sand, draw body tracings with chalk (like someone was just murdered in your driveway) and paint pictures of little unicorns and butterflies on your face!
Sure, your friends and neighbors will deem you mentally unstable but who cares? You will feel ALIVE!
Do you remember when you were 13 and you would spend hours doing those stupid quizzes in teen magazines?
I remember one lazy Summer day in particular when I laid up in my friends tree fort with a pile of Seventeen magazines and we quizzed each other on crucial topics like Does your crush like you?,Which hollywood hearthrob should I date? and What your shoes say about you…
I thought I would bring back some of that nostalgic Summer fun with a totally ridiculous Tarot personality quiz!
I bet you’re just dying to know which of the four Tarot suits – Wands, Pentacles, Cups and Swords – your personality falls into.
Well, wait no longer!
1. It’s a hot Summer day and you’re spending a day at the beach! You spend your time….
a. Thinking, thinking, thinking…..about all your problems and what you should about this colossal problem that is your life.
b. Daydreaming about sexy mermen and all the wonderful possibilities life has to offer.
c. Swimming, running up and down the beach and chatting up the 21 year old lifeguard.
d. Napping in the sun, lazily collecting sea shells and chowing down on fried food at the concession stand while you read some grisly true crime book.
photo courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net
2. Your dream career is…
a. Professor of something very intellectual where you get to wear smart looking glasses and read lots of books.
b. Painter and sculptor that lives on an island, by the beach. Instead of a coffee break, you take skinny dipping breaks.
c. Running your own business where you get to be creative, teach, travel and be fabulous!
d. Farmer, Builder or Chef – something earthy, where you get to work with your hands.
3. When you go to a friend’s house for dinner, you….
a. Fret about what your host will serve because you are very, very concerned about chemical additives, GMOs, pesticide residue, gluten, BGH in dairy and eating meals with a 80/20 alkaline/acidic ratio.
b. Are simply delighted and touched by the beautiful foods she has lovingly prepared for you. You feel so nourished!
c. Look forward to meeting the other guests and networking with them. You have so many exciting, juicy stories to share and love being the center of attention.
d. Spend forever picking out what to wear. Everything you own seems to exacerbate your spare tire. But holy fuck, are you ever looking forward to knocking back the wine tonight! Good times ahead!
Image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net
4. When you meet someone for the first time, you always ask them…
a. What books they are currently reading.
b. How their love life is going or how they met their significant other.
c. What their big dreams and visions are.
d. What they do for a living.
5. In bed you like…
a. Dirty talk and role playing. Maybe even a bit of bondage.
b. Romantic bubble baths and eye gazing.
c. Excitement galore! Elevator sex, threesomes and lap dancing.
d. A candlelit massage on silk sheets, followed by a generous glass of red wine.
Image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net
6. A perfect meal would not be complete without…
a. Scintillating conversation and debate.
b. Deliciously prepared seafood
c. Something spicy!
d. Chewy bread, tasty fowl, fine wine, good cheese and Tiramisu.
7. Your favorite escape is…
a. Music
b. Booze
c. A torrid affair
d. A good book
8. If you were handed one million dollars, you would…
a. Pay off your mortgage, upgrade your car and get your masters degree.
b. Go to a $30,000 shamanic dream journey retreat in Hawaii, a $28,000 past life DNA activation seminar in Sedona, Arizona, a $40,000 painting the goddess art tour of Italy, Greece and Turkey, etc, etc… and more wonderful stuff like this!
c. Start a charity for animals in need, backpack around the world – volunteering with various humanitarian aid organizations and write a novel about it.
d. Get plastic surgery.
9. Your tastes in literature tend to lean towards…
a. Non-fiction.
b. Romance novels.
c. Self help, personal growth and business books.
d. Stories! Especially trilogies and epic series.
10. You suddenly realize your job is total shit and everyone you work with is a complete sociopath. So of course you….
a. Spend a lot of time thinking about what you should do…..and plotting revenge.
b. Emote! Cry about your troubles to friends, family and random strangers in the lineup at the grocery store.
c. Take action! Immediately start looking for a new job and/or quit your current job.
d. Say to yourself “making changes is too hard right now” and then go watch some reality TV, eat some crispy chips and pretend everythings fine. Your unhappiness will show up later as stomach problems, headaches, rashes and eye infections.
Your Results!
Okay, now tally up your score…
Robin Wood Tarot
Mostly A’s – Oh no, this means you identify most strongly with the Suit of Swords – the jerkiest suit in the Tarot! Your brainy, bitchy, focused and boring. Oh well, at least your well read.
On the plus side, your great at communicating with others, teaching and making decisions. You don’t like to dawdle and piss around – you get shit done and most people respect you a great deal, even if they can’t stand you.
Fenestra Tarot
Mostly B’s – Yay! Your Cupsy! You identify most strongly with the Suit of Cups – the creative, emotional, touchy feely suit. You love intimacy but crave your freedom.
You enjoy spiritual exploration, personal growth and making stuff but your mom tells you that you need to get your shit together, for god’s sakes your 35 years old and other people your age have families, careers and second marriages. When are you ever going to find yourself?
Robin Wood Tarot
Mostly C’s – Well congratulations, you Wandsy Wanton! You identify most strongly with the Suit ofWands, the suit of impassioned action and adventure.
Your a go-getter, people like you and your sexy as hell. But at some point you will crash and burn, so don’t get so smug with your checked off goal lists and your manifested dreamboards. Mwwahahaha! At some point you will have a midlife crisis and realize that being successful is totally boring…at which point you may suddenly attain spiritual enlightenment.
Robin Wood Tarot
Mostly D’s – You identify strongly with the Suit of Pentacles. Your down to earth and what you see is what you get. You have truly mastered the art of being in the here and now – as skill that others could certainly learn from you.
You love all the earthly delights like food, wine and sex, but you can sometimes become obsessed with your physical appearance and have a tendency to ignore your emotions, which resurface as physical problems like constipation, low back pain and allergies.
In the comments below tell me which suit you fit into (or if you were a combination of two suits) and if your personality description was bang on or way off target 😉 ….
Veronica is my crazed evil twin who reads Tarot, takes long naps and eats men for breakfast. Always sarcastic, slightly witty and a true hedonist, lets hear what she has to say this week…
Animal Wisdom Tarot by Dawn Brunke
Do you ever notice how crows are nefarious little birds? Always watching and plotting and much smarter than you suspect.
That’s because they use their minds for crafty, up to no good behavior and that is what you should do.
You have a crafty, nefarious mind too, but sometimes it uses you and not the other way around.
If your mind is going a mile a minute and just won’t shut the fuck up while you try to fall asleep at night, then you need to get your ass in gear.
Your mind is a tool. Use it. But don’t let it rule you!
Speaking of sleep, this weekend is a good time to catch up on some beauty sleep, one of my favorite hobbies.
Here are my tips for a good nap:
Convert your bondage blindfold into a sleep mask to block out the pesky sunlight
Always nap alone. Kick your boy-toy out of your bedroom for once!
Nap with your head at the foot of your bed – this is so you don’t associate your beauty nap with night time sleep and it just makes things so much more interesting.
Veronica is my immoral other half. She is my wild and slutty evil twin/alter ego and when she isn’t travelling the world, doing nude yoga and slamming back martini’s, she’s dishing out Tarot wisdom for you right here…
Housewives Tarot
Today’s Tarot advice comes from The High Priestess.
She says “Shhhhhh….keep your secrets.”
This particularly applies to relationships of a romantic nature.
Certain marriage “experts” (cough, Dr. Phil, cough) will tell you that you must never keep secrets from your significant other and that true intimacy means sharing everything.
Yuck. No thanks.
If you want your life to have a certain robust, saucy flavour, you need to have some secrets.
So stop being so darn honest and “transparent” as the therapy-types like to say.
Don’t have any secrets? No problem! Create them. Take a young lover, start drinking in the daytime (if you don’t already) or stop wearing underpants.
You’ll be rocking that Mona Lisa smirk in no time!
Veronica is my alter ego – she says the things I have always longed to say and does the things I’ve always longed to do! When she isn’t whizzing around the world in her private jet full of boy toys, she’s yelling at crows (they are so loud at 5 am!) and sneering at what other people are buying in the grocery store. Here is her take on the Six of Wands…
