Disclaimer: some of the links below are my Amazon affiliate links, which means if you purchase a deck I recommend through that link, I get a commission.
Have you ever stared at the massive array of Tarot decks available online and thought “fuck. Which one do I get?”
There are thousands of Tarot decks out there and it feels like new ones are popping up every second. While this massive amount of choice is exciting, it’s also incredibly confusing and overwhelming.
Which Tarot deck is for you? Which one should you buy?
There needs to be a Tinder app just for Tarot decks! But since there isn’t one, I bring you the next best thing….my signature Daily Tarot Girl quiz that matches your personality with an appropriate Tarot deck.
You’re welcome! Now take the quiz…
1. You’re sick with the flu and forced to stay at home all week. You use this time by…
A) Powering through a box of salted caramels while watching all five Twilight movies back to back – without shame.
B) Languishing in bed and telling friends and family that you “might not make it”. Oh, and also watching lots of grisly true crime shows.
C) Finally testing out all the herbal medicines that you spent all Summer making.
D) Sitting on the couch, glued to your laptop or smartphone, catching up on email.
2. Which vacation appeals to you the most?
A) A sailboating trip where you get to skinny dip with dolphins and have giggly, day-drunk picnics on deserted islands.
B) A tour of haunted hot-spots in London, with plenty of museum pit stops.
C) Staying in a remote eco-village where you sleep in a spherical treehouse with a composting toilet. Orgyatic dance parties happen every evening in the main lodge!
D) An all-inclusive in Mexico or a Caribbean cruise. Fuck history and all that dumb shit, you just wanna go someplace sunny where nothings expected of you.
3. In the kitchen, you love to make…
A) Glorious cherry pies, lemon cupcakes with copious buttercream frosting and magnificent chocolate layer cakes!
B) Takeout. You’ve spent most of your life developing your intellect, but your cooking skills? Not so much!
C) Something vegan, fermented and KALE.
D) You rarely have time to dick around in the kitchen but when you do it’s tuna casserole, chicken noodle soup and lasagna – you know, comfort food!
4. Your favorite thing about the internet is…
A) Kitten videos! Grumpy Cat memes! Green juice recipes! Etsy! Pinterest! OMG soooo much!
B) Snark blogs. Twitter fights (observing them, not participating). And writing scathing reviews on Amazon.
C) How you can share information about gardening and stuff and learn really cool things like how to make kombucha and how to cure yeast infections with garlic yogurt.
D) Google maps
5. Most of your sex fantasies take place…
A) In a mythical land of your own imagination where everyone lives like primitive hunter gatherers except with electricity and showers. Everything’s organic and everyone’s super hot and buff.
B) In a library
C) Outside in nature! Also, see option A above.
D) In bed
6. Your #1 pet peeve is…
A) People that need scientific proof to believe in something. God those people suck!
B) Trailers for “feel-good” movies like fluffy romantic comedies or movies with kids in them. Yuck!
C) Fair weather vegans
D) Facebook. It’s a frivolous time suck of epic proportions – a voyeuristic black hole of boring baby photos, pointless opinions and self congratulatory crapolla.
7. Your favorite reading material consists of…
A) Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Game of Thrones and some pretty weird mermaid smut that you secretly downloaded to your Kindle.
B) The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The DaVinci Code and anything by Agatha Christie. Murder mysteries, true crime and Victorian ghost stories are right up your alley.
C) How-to books on wildcrafting, living off the land and anarchistic utopian manifestos get you all fired up!
D) The manual that came with your new Bissell Stick Vacuum.
8. Your perfect day would be spent…
A) Cuddling kittens and puppies and eating strawberry waffles while Daniel Craig (circa 2008) massages your feet.
B) Perusing antique bookstores, sipping Turkish coffee and running into your favorite old University prof who just so happens to remember you (and your above average intellect) after all these years.
C) Marching passionately in a political protest, meeting a sexy fellow protestor and heading back to your caravan (or tiny-house) for a “sensual experience” involving organic hemp oil, Nag Champa incense and that overpriced yoga bolster you never use…until now.
D) Getting your taxes done early, not hitting any red lights on your way to work and coming home to discover the new IKEA catalogue waiting for you in your mailbox!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, now tally up your score!
Mostly A’s– Mystical Daydreamer
You’re a happy soul who loves to daydream and roll around in your imagination. Some say you’re spacey but it’s because you’re too busy traversing other worlds to be fully present in this bland one. And you need a Tarot deck that reflects that!
Decks with fairies, mermaids and dragons will get your heart pounding while new agey decks with sun rays, chakras and angel wings might strike a chord, too. You prefer uplifting decks over dark, broody ones and you’re magically drawn to animal decks.
You’re overly brainy, pessimistic and moody and you love to take a stroll on the dark side. You never turn down a challenge! You don’t want “easy” and you don’t want “fluff” – you want a deck that’s confusing (to idiots), darkly intriguing and something you can really sink your teeth into.
You’re a rebel, an eccentric, a brave trail blazer who lives outside the system and grows her own kale. You love getting out for long nature hikes (or so you say), doing full moon rituals and protesting Monsanto. You’re interested in decks that emphasize nature, animals, feminine power and Wicca or Druidry.
You’re a practical, no-nonsense individual and you don’t have time for all the bullshit that seems to inundate everyone these days. You know what you want and where you’re going. No one’s ever accused you of being “too exciting” but who cares? You need a deck that brings you the goods straight up without any fip-fop fappery.
Since I know you’ve got somewhere to be right now, I’ll make this quick…
As 2015 comes to a close, I’ve been reflecting on everything that sucked about this past year (I can’t help it! I just do stuff like that!). But you know what didn’t suck in 2015? The 10 Tarot blog posts below…..
I’ve sifted through all my Tarot blog posts over the past year to find the ones I think you’ll enjoy the most, because even if you’ve been reading my Tarot blog religiously, I know you probably missed a couple!
It was hard to come up with this list, believe me! Leaving some decks off this list made me feel like I was abandoning my less loved children...an unsettling sensation, indeed. Beware! This list may induce an Amazon deck ordering frenzy...
Here's another post about those pesky Court Cards....but this one isn't quite as dirty as the one above (at least I don't think it is). There's even a free worksheet that you can print out and go to town on!
I did this Tarot reading on Halloween night….so there’s quite a bit of firework action in the background! I apologize for the really dim lighting – I normally do my reading videos in the day, but for some crazy reason I left it till the last minute!
For this reading, I am using the gorgeous Druidcraft Tarot….
It’s been over a year since my last installment in the Court Cards in bed series and I’ve left the best ’til last…The Kings!
After struggling to understand and connect with those distant and chilly Court Cards, I decided to hop into bed with them (in my mind) and imagine what they would be like between the sheets. Yes, it’s super pervy, but that’s just how I roll!
If you’re unfamiliar with this series, here are my previous posts:
I had so much fun writing these, but for some reason I couldn’t muster the passion to write about those stuffy Kings. I guess I’ve just never been into older men. But my smut loving readers have been asking me to finish this series for months: “Do the Kings! Do the Kings!”
So finally, with a little help from my evil twin Veronica, I’m doin’ the Kings!
The Tarot Kings in Bed
The Kings are mature, confident and experienced. As Samantha from Sex and the City once said about an older lover “he’s been around the block and knows how to use his c*ck!”
And that pretty much sums it up.
The only downside with the Kings is their tendency to be a bit….stuffy and overly serious. But those crusty, responsible exteriors are hiding a molten hot lava core of blistering raunchiness. Enjoy!
The King of Cups
Suit qualities: emotions, feelings, relationships
Personality traits: touchy feely, chit chatty and caring, he’s one of those “sensitive” guys.
The King of Cups actually cares about your feelings and listening to you yammer on about the emotional day you just had gives him a total boner!
He’s ultra sensual and cares deeply about your pleasure and will go to the ends of the earth to make sure you explode in just the right way. But beware…..
You may think you can have an anonymous quickie with this guy in the bushes at a Summer music festival, but then he’ll ruin it after by saying something lame like “how are you feeling?” or “I hope I didn’t violate any of your emotional boundaries.”
He wants nothing more than to “be there for you” and to listen and comfort you in your time of need. Which is just fine if it’s a therapist you’re looking for. But if it’s just a great shag your in need of, look elsewhere. This guy could drive you nuts with all the talk talk talk about feelings.
In real life he’s a counselor or teacher and loves giving his friends and co-workers spontaneous backrubs and hugs for no reason.
He’s very comfortable touching people. And he won’t hesitate to touch you – everywhere – again and again. You may think you’ve landed yourself a doting lover, but his generosity is a sham – he will later demand payment in the form of sharing your feelings. *Shudder!*
Secret fantasy: Doing it missionary on one of those Freud-style therapy couches while you whisper the word “feelings” over and over again in his ear.
Personality traits: This King is full of get up and go, filthy ideas and the plenty of raw energy to make your fantasies a reality. He’s someone worth busting out the Astroglide for.
As a lover he can go all night long – unlike some of his contemporaries, who are more interested rubbing suntan oil on their beer guts and grumbling about interest rates.
Since the King of Wands is a very successful sort of man who has his shit together, you will be deliciously shocked by his inventiveness and lusty ways in the bedroom!
For example, he is the type to suggest co-writing a porno script and then acting it out, viking helmets and all. See what I mean? Totally raunchy!!!
The only problem with the King of Wands is that he won’t tolerate a phoned in performance in the sack. So don’t think you can just lie there and fake moan on those days when you’d really rather be watching Witches of East End and eating peanut butter Coconut Bliss.
Secret fantasy: Being the star in a live sex show
The King of Pentacles
Suit qualities: money, health, home, the body
Personality traits: This guy is sexsessful with a capital S! Dripping in gold watches, money and businesses, he’s the quintessential sugar daddy.
Having shed the uptight sensibility of his youth, this King has weathered a few divorces and isn’t looking for a big commitment – he’d rather wine, dine, 69 you. And that’s good news!
The King of Pentacles is very much into eating….food and other things. He will suggest you cook him dinner wearing nothing but an apron and then want to smear your entire body in creme brulee. Which could either be fun or totally gross. You decide!
Alcohol, especially wine, is a favorite bedside companion for this booze swilling King. He loves nothing more than getting drunk by the fire and then rolling around naked on a faux fur rug until you both pass out.
His greatest downfall is his tendency to get so trashed that he becomes unconscious before you get a chance to get it on. Worst of all, he won’t even remember your mind blasting BJ techniques that you learned from reading Cosmopolitan in the grocery store line up.
Secret fantasy: Something involving a bevvy of prostitutes, being fed grapes and a champagne waterfall.
The King of Swords
Suit qualities: intellect, thoughts, mind, communication
Personality traits: I hate to say it, but this guy is kind of a bore. He’s rigid, starchy and has no sense of humor….until you toss him on a bed and have your way with him!
The King of Swords spends all day being a big boy and acting like Mr. Smartypants. Just the kind of guy who needs to be taken down a peg or two.
If your looking for someone to dominate, the King of Swords is your man! His corporate facade is exhausting to uphold and he longs to pushed around and told what to do.
But his tastes are rather specific – not just any old honkytonk dominatrix will do. He prefers a lady of substance and refinement. Someone who is well read and knows the difference between Wuthering Heights and Fifty Shades of Grey.
In between steamy, all out kink fests he likes to discuss literature, politics, art and film (not movies – those are for riff-raff). So if you’re super-brainy, this buttoned up, stuffed shirt King will fulfill your desire for intellectual stimulation and your need to degrade someone. The perfect combo!
Secret fantasy: to be dominated by a bookish librarian type who will shriek out Shakespeare quotes while she spanks him!
To Sum Things Up…
Looking at the Tarot Court Cards in a whole new way brings them to life!
The Tarot Court Cards are multidimensional characters and while most descriptions of them can be pretty yawn-worthy and forgettable, I guarantee you won’t soon forget the filth you just read here.
Add Your Two Cents!
In the comments below, tell me which Tarot King you think would make the most captivating lover and why?
Just for fun, I have rounded up my top ten Tarot decks! Out of all the decks in my Tarot deck collection (and there are many), these are the decks I go back to again and again.
As an adventurous and promiscuous Tarot lover, I may scamper off with other decks from time to time just for the thrill, but I always return to these ones because I know I’m always guaranteed a satisfying, soul quenching reading.
These decks are in no particular order. I love #1 just as much as #10!
1. Dame Darcy’s Mermaid Tarot
For many years I have been waiting to find THE perfect Tarot deck. A deck that just clicks with me and makes me feel at home. For me, this is that deck.
There is so much I love about this deck – the nautical theme, the mermaids, the hand written card names, barely-there borders, matte finish, blah, blah, blah….but the real magic is in the energy of these cards.
This is a one of a kind, special deck – not just visually, but energetically. I feel like I am truly tapping into my gypsy, tarot reading self when I read with these cards.
When I first saw the Osho Zen Tarot deck I didn’t like it at all. I don’t know why, but it seemed almost too simple. Then a few years later, I saw it again and absolutely had to have it!
Since then I have spent hours working with these cards. I find them to be excellent at getting to the real meat of a situation – the deep, underlying issues that need to be recognized.
If your into things like Eckhart Tolle, Eastern spirituality and meditation, then you will really enjoy working with this deck. It’s not “new-agey” or anything like that, but if your interested in understanding the inner workings of your self, ego and mind, then this deck will help you along the way.
I think that both men and women will equally enjoy this deck – many Tarot decks are a bit girly and fluffy, but not the Osho Zen.
There is so much I could say about the Hezicos Tarot! Whimsical, fun and insightful, I love using this deck for self readings. The images and symbols on the cards really pull me in and I find myself going on a mini-journey into my self each time I read with this deck.
Here is a good old, classic Tarot deck! I always recommend this deck as the deck to learn on, because if you learn with this deck, you will be able to easily read with most other decks that are based on the Rider-Waite structure and symbolism.
To be perfectly honest, this deck isn’t my favorite deck to read with, but it is one of my favorite decks to meditate with and to study.
Now here’s a succulent, colourful deck that’s just bursting with 1970’s sexiness! Handlebar mustaches and fertile flowers bloom unfettered by mojo-killing borders. This is one of the few decks out there that is borderless – and thank God for that!
I accidentally bough the Spanish version of this deck – which is actually a good way to learn a few Spanish words – but you might not want to do that if your a total beginner who doesn’t speak Spanish!
This deck has major personality! The people on these cards can sometimes seem a bit fugly, but they’re always easy to relate to.
What I love about this deck:
1. Big cards! Yes, it makes it impossible to shuffle but the cards act as windows into a different realm. A realm I want to endlessly scamper about in.
2. Druidy vibe and magical feel – you really feel like your using a special deck of cards when you do a reading with the Druidcraft.
3. The companion book – if you can, it’s worth it to get the book and deck set. I usually ignore most companion books, but this one has a lot of good info and fun spreads and stuff. You will want the book especially if you’re interested in druidry or earth based spirituality.