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The Tarot Court Cards….In Bed! Part 4: The Kings

21 Comments / tarot card meanings / /

It’s been over a year since my last installment in the Court Cards in bed series and I’ve left the best ’til last…The Kings!

After struggling to understand and connect with those distant and chilly Court Cards, I decided to hop into bed with them (in my mind) and imagine what they would be like between the sheets. Yes, it’s super pervy, but that’s just how I roll!

If you’re unfamiliar with this series, here are my previous posts:

The Smutty Side of The Tarot Queens

Those Nasty Pages!

Hot Tarot Knights

 

I had so much fun writing these, but for some reason I couldn’t muster the passion to write about those stuffy Kings. I guess I’ve just never been into older men. But my smut loving readers have been asking me to finish this series for months: “Do the Kings! Do the Kings!”

So finally, with a little help from my evil twin Veronica, I’m doin’ the Kings!

The Tarot Kings in Bed

The Kings are mature, confident and experienced. As Samantha from Sex and the City once said about an older lover “he’s been around the block and knows how to use his c*ck!”

And that pretty much sums it up.

The only downside with the Kings is their tendency to be a bit….stuffy and overly serious. But those crusty, responsible exteriors are hiding a molten hot lava core of blistering raunchiness. Enjoy!

 

The King of Cups

Crystal Visions Tarot

Suit qualities: emotions, feelings, relationships

Personality traits: touchy feely, chit chatty and caring, he’s one of those “sensitive” guys.

The King of Cups actually cares about your feelings and listening to you yammer on about the emotional day you just had gives him a total boner!

He’s ultra sensual and cares deeply about your pleasure and will go to the ends of the earth to make sure you explode in just the right way. But beware…..

You may think you can have an anonymous quickie with this guy in the bushes at a Summer music festival, but then he’ll ruin it after by saying something lame like “how are you feeling?” or “I hope I didn’t violate any of your emotional boundaries.”

He wants nothing more than to “be there for you” and to listen and comfort you in your time of need. Which is just fine if it’s a therapist you’re looking for. But if it’s just a great shag your in need of, look elsewhere. This guy could drive you nuts with all the talk talk talk about feelings.

In real life he’s a counselor or teacher and loves giving his friends and co-workers spontaneous backrubs and hugs for no reason.

He’s very comfortable touching people. And he won’t hesitate to touch you – everywhere – again and again. You may think you’ve landed yourself a doting lover, but his generosity is a sham – he will later demand payment in the form of sharing your feelings. *Shudder!*

Secret fantasy: Doing it missionary on one of those Freud-style therapy couches while you whisper the word “feelings” over and over again in his ear.

 

The King of Wands

Druidcraft Tarot

Suit qualities: creativity, passion, career, action

Personality traits: This King is full of get up and go, filthy ideas and the plenty of raw energy to make your fantasies a reality. He’s someone worth busting out the Astroglide for.

As a lover he can go all night long – unlike some of his contemporaries, who are more interested rubbing suntan oil on their beer guts and grumbling about interest rates.

Since the King of Wands is a very successful sort of man who has his shit together, you will be deliciously shocked by his inventiveness and lusty ways in the bedroom!

For example, he is the type to suggest co-writing a porno script and then acting it out, viking helmets and all. See what I mean? Totally raunchy!!!

The only problem with the King of Wands is that he won’t tolerate a phoned in performance in the sack. So don’t think you can just lie there and fake moan on those days when you’d really rather be watching Witches of East End and eating peanut butter Coconut Bliss.

Secret fantasy: Being the star in a live sex show

 

The King of Pentacles

Morgan Greer Tarot

Suit qualities: money, health, home, the body

Personality traits: This guy is sexsessful with a capital S! Dripping in gold watches, money and businesses, he’s the quintessential sugar daddy.

Having shed the uptight sensibility of his youth, this King has weathered a few divorces and isn’t looking for a big commitment – he’d rather wine, dine, 69 you. And that’s good news!

The King of Pentacles is very much into eating….food and other things. He will suggest you cook him dinner wearing nothing but an apron and then want to smear your entire body in creme brulee. Which could either be fun or totally gross. You decide!

Alcohol, especially wine, is a favorite bedside companion for this booze swilling King. He loves nothing more than getting drunk by the fire and then rolling around naked on a faux fur rug until you both pass out.

His greatest downfall is his tendency to get so trashed that he becomes unconscious before you get a chance to get it on. Worst of all, he won’t even remember your mind blasting BJ techniques that you learned from reading Cosmopolitan in the grocery store line up.

Secret fantasy: Something involving a bevvy of prostitutes, being fed grapes and a champagne waterfall.

 

The King of Swords

Robin Wood Tarot

Suit qualities: intellect, thoughts, mind, communication

Personality traits: I hate to say it, but this guy is kind of a bore. He’s rigid, starchy and has no sense of humor….until you toss him on a bed and have your way with him!

The King of Swords spends all day being a big boy and acting like Mr. Smartypants. Just the kind of guy who needs to be taken down a peg or two.

If your looking for someone to dominate, the King of Swords is your man! His corporate facade is exhausting to uphold and he longs to pushed around and told what to do.

But his tastes are rather specific – not just any old honkytonk dominatrix will do. He prefers a lady of substance and refinement. Someone who is well read and knows the difference between Wuthering Heights and Fifty Shades of Grey.

In between steamy, all out kink fests he likes to discuss literature, politics, art and film (not movies – those are for riff-raff). So if you’re super-brainy, this buttoned up, stuffed shirt King will fulfill your desire for intellectual stimulation and your need to degrade someone. The perfect combo!

Secret fantasy: to be dominated by a bookish librarian type who will shriek out Shakespeare quotes while she spanks him!

 

To Sum Things Up…

Looking at the Tarot Court Cards in a whole new way brings them to life!

The Tarot Court Cards are multidimensional characters and while most descriptions of them can be pretty yawn-worthy and forgettable, I guarantee you won’t soon forget the filth you just read here.

Add Your Two Cents!

In the comments below, tell me which Tarot King you think would make the most captivating lover and why?

The Tarot Court Cards….In Bed! Part 4: The Kings Read More »

How is your life constipated?

8 Comments / June 2015 / /

veronica 2Veronica is my evil, Tarot reading twin. When she’s not writing for this blog, she’s out boozing and cruising for sweet young things and tapping out smut on her laptop! Oh, and she doesn’t give two shits about spelling things correctly, so don’t go emailing her about how she shouldn’t start a sentence with “and” or “but”….

knight of pents
Crystal Visions Tarot

The Knight of Pentacles is an incredibly practical man. He thinks things through.

But he’s also a boring, constipated, stuffed shirt who has no idea how to enjoy himself or move forward with his life.

The message he brings you is this….

“How are you being overly cautious in your life?”

There is nothing wrong with taking your time to think things through.

But overly planning things and being extra careful only work if we’re talking about birth control. Otherwise, it just sucks the magic out of daily life!

And here’s the thing – you were born naturally spontaneous and trusting in life. But then jerkoffs like your parents and evil robot school teachers instilled doubt in you by saying stuff like “without math 12 you will go nowhere!” and “you need to start saving for retirement now if you want to retire by age 80.”

Suddenly the world is a terrifying and cruel place, designed to break you and cause you misery.

Now I got off on a tangent…but what I want to tell you is that that is crap – pure and simple. The world is full of wonderful things – just think how many shrimp cocktails, cute boys and kitten videos exist right now.

I know, right?!

How is your life constipated? Read More »

My Top 10 Tarot Decks

34 Comments / May 2015 / /

Just for fun, I have rounded up my top ten Tarot decks! Out of all the decks in my Tarot deck collection (and there are many), these are the decks I go back to again and again.

As an adventurous and promiscuous Tarot lover, I may scamper off with other decks from time to time just for the thrill, but I always return to these ones because I know I’m always guaranteed a satisfying, soul quenching reading.

These decks are in no particular order. I love #1 just as much as #10!

1. Dame Darcy’s Mermaid Tarot

For many years I have been waiting to find THE perfect Tarot deck. A deck that just clicks with me and makes me feel at home. For me, this is that deck.

dame darcy tarot

There is so much I love about this deck – the nautical theme, the mermaids, the hand written card names, barely-there borders, matte finish, blah, blah, blah….but the real magic is in the energy of these cards.

This is a one of a kind, special deck – not just visually, but energetically. I feel like I am truly tapping into my gypsy, tarot reading self when I read with these cards.

Watch me read with this deck

Buy this deck on Etsy

 

2. Osho Zen Tarot

When I first saw the Osho Zen Tarot deck I didn’t like it at all. I don’t know why, but it seemed almost too simple. Then a few years later, I saw it again and absolutely had to have it!

osho zen tarot

Since then I have spent hours working with these cards. I find them to be excellent at getting to the real meat of a situation – the deep, underlying issues that need to be recognized.

If your into things like Eckhart Tolle, Eastern spirituality and meditation, then you will really enjoy working with this deck. It’s not “new-agey” or anything like that, but if your interested in understanding the inner workings of your self, ego and mind, then this deck will help you along the way.

I think that both men and women will equally enjoy this deck – many Tarot decks are a bit girly and fluffy, but not the Osho Zen.

Read my full review of this deck!

Check it out on Amazon

 

3. Hezicos Tarot

There is so much I could say about the Hezicos Tarot! Whimsical, fun and insightful, I love using this deck for self readings. The images and symbols on the cards really pull me in and I find myself going on a mini-journey into my self each time I read with this deck.

hezicos tarot

Read my full review of this deck!

Update: this deck is now out of print 🙁

 

4. Universal Waite Tarot Deck

Here is a good old, classic Tarot deck! I always recommend this deck as the deck to learn on, because if you learn with this deck, you will be able to easily read with most other decks that are based on the Rider-Waite structure and symbolism.

universal waite tarot

To be perfectly honest, this deck isn’t my favorite deck to read with, but it is one of my favorite decks to meditate with and to study.

Read my full review of this deck right here

Check out this deck on Amazon

 

5. Crystal Visions Tarot

This deck has been a long-standing fave of mine. I ended up trimming my deck to get rid of the annoying white borders, so the cards in this photo look a bit different from when I first got them.

crystal visions tarot

This is a gentle and mystical deck with a girly vibe. I like using it for professional readings because there are no scary looking cards and everyone seems to love this deck.

Read my full review of this deck!

Check it out on Amazon

 

 6. Morgan-Greer Tarot

Now here’s a succulent, colourful deck that’s just bursting with 1970’s sexiness!  Handlebar mustaches and fertile flowers bloom unfettered by mojo-killing borders. This is one of the few decks out there that is borderless – and thank God for that!

morgan greer tarot

I accidentally bough the Spanish version of this deck – which is actually a good way to learn a few Spanish words – but you might not want to do that if your a total beginner who doesn’t speak Spanish!

Watch me read with this deck

Check it out on Amazon!

 

7. Hanson-Roberts Tarot

This is the deck I usually take with me when I travel and there are 3 reasons why I love it…

hanson roberts tarot

1. This deck closely follows the Rider-Waite-Smith deck, so it’s easy for beginners

2. Cards are quite small –  like a mini deck – and can easily be carried in your purse or pocket. This makes them easy to handle and less intimidating than a full size deck.

3. Images are fairytale-ish and even a bit childish, which gives the deck a gentle feel to it.

Watch me read with this deck

Check out this deck on Amazon

 

8. Shadowscapes Tarot

This deck is super atmospheric and gazing at these cards can transport you to another world – especially if you’re the spacey-outey type like me!

I love using this deck for both professional and self readings. My only gripe is that the cards are very detailed and so I find myself squinting a bit. But nobody’s perfect!

shadowscapes tarot

Read my full review of this deck

Check it out on Amazon

 

9. Anna K Tarot

This is one of my most “down to earth” decks – when I read with this deck, it just makes sense, especially as it pertains to my everyday life.

The cards closely follow the Rider-Waite-Smith imagery, so this is a great deck for beginners to learn Tarot with.

anna k tarot

Watch me read with this deck

Check it out on Amazon

 

10. Druidcraft Tarot

This deck has major personality! The people on these cards can sometimes seem a bit fugly, but they’re always easy to relate to.

What I love about this deck:

1. Big cards! Yes, it makes it impossible to shuffle but the cards act as windows into a different realm. A realm I want to endlessly scamper about in.

2. Druidy vibe and magical feel – you really feel like your using a special deck of cards when you do a reading with the Druidcraft.

3. The companion book – if you can, it’s worth it to get the book and deck set. I usually ignore most companion books, but this one has a lot of good info and fun spreads and stuff. You will want the book especially if you’re interested in druidry or earth based spirituality.

Watch me read with this deck

Check it out on Amazon

 

What are your favorite decks?

In the comments below, tell me what Tarot decks light your fire. Which decks feel like a comfy, monogamous relationship? Which decks do you rely on for good, solid readings?

My Top 10 Tarot Decks Read More »

How to Connect with Your Tarot Deck….Part 2

54 Comments / January 2015, tarot practice, Tarot spreads, Tarot Tips / /

A couple of years ago I wrote a blog post about how to connect with your Tarot deck in three easy steps.

This article has proven to be the most popular article on my site, consistently getting the most views and comments – so I thought I would expand on the topic for those of you who are ready to take things a step further!

My favorite thing to do when I get a new deck (or if I am just feeling disconnected from an old deck) is to interview it. This sounds a little kooky at first, I know, but hear me out…

I like to think of my Tarot deck as a close friend – one who knows all my secrets and who gives fantastic advice when I need it most.

tarot and tea (2)
Hezicos Tarot

And like a close friend, I would never just dump all my problems on her and then walk away without asking how she’s doing or what’s new in her life. So why would I treat my Tarot deck that way?

Truth of the matter is, sometimes I start thinking of my Tarot deck as just a stack of paper and I forget to treat it like a good friend – and that’s when my readings go to shit.

So take the time to get to know your Tarot deck. Ask it some deep questions.

  • What is your main mission or message in this world?
  • What is most important to you?
  • What do you want to share with me?
  • What would you like me to know about you?
  • Do you have a favorite card in this deck?
  • What is your biggest fear?
  • Which card sums up your personality?
  • What can I do for you that would ensure we have a good relationship?

When I asked my Crystal Visions Tarot deck “what is most important to you?” I got The Hermit, which I interpreted as meaning that meditation and deep contemplation were meaningful things for this deck.

When I asked the same deck “what can I do to ensure a good relationship?” I got the Six of Pentacles – a card about give and take and helping each other. I often see this card as being about being able to receive help from another, so this card could mean that gratiously receiving the help that this deck will give me is what will ensure a good relationship.

But what if you get a weird card?

For example, you ask “what is your main mission in this world?” and you get The Devil. Good god! What does it mean?

crystal visions tarot the devil
Crystal Visions Tarot

 

Look at your cards in the most positive light possible. The Devil is all about addictions and having the opportunity to bring awareness into the cycle of addiction so that you can rise above it. So this could mean that your deck’s mission is to help you break out of destructive cycles in your life.

Have fun with these questions and feel free to share your results in the comments below!

How to Connect with Your Tarot Deck….Part 2 Read More »

Tarot Resources

5 Comments / /

Tarot decks I recommend (particularly for beginners getting their first deck)

Universal Waite Tarot

Robin Wood Tarot

Hanson-Roberts Tarot

Anna K Tarot

Morgan Greer Tarot

Crystal Visions Tarot

 

Tarot Books I recommend

A Magical Course in Tarot by Michele Morgan

Learning the Tarot by Joan Bunning

Seventy Eight Degrees of Wisdom by Rachel Pollack

Tarot for Your Self by Mary K Greer

 

Connecting with Your Tarot Deck

Questions:

1. What card sums up your personality?
2. What issues/areas of life do you specialize in?
3. What do you look for in a Tarot reader?
4. How can we have a great relationship?

For more tips on connecting with your deck, see this blog post.

Some fun journalling topics

1. What does my higher self want me to understand
today?
2. How can I get the most out of today?
3. What talents am I not using?
4. How can I manifest my dreams quickly?
5. What is the meaning of life?

See my Tarot journal for more ideas…

Go right here for more helpful articles and videos to help get you started with Tarot.

Good luck and happy Tarot reading!

xoxo

Kate

 

Tarot Resources Read More »

My 4 Favorite Blog Posts of 2014

December 2014, Tarot Tips / /

As 2014 comes to a close, I have been doing something weird….reading my own blog posts  (and enjoying them!)

So I decided to round up my top 4 favorite Tarot articles and share them with you. These are the articles I had the most fun writing, so I hope you have just as much fun reading them 🙂

Should Tarot Readers Charge for Their “Gift”?

gift

This post generated the most discussion and comments…

There is something that I occasionally hear people say that drives me batshit crazy. It is this: “I don’t charge for giving readings because being able to read is a gift so therefore I would never charge someone for it.”
Ummm….what the f*ck?!

Read more..

What Your “Higher Self” REALLY Wants You to Know (it may surprise you!)

buddha

Here is one of my favorite things to do with my Tarot cards…

Do you ever wonder what your “higher self” is trying to tell you? Well guess what? Messing around with your Tarot cards is one of the best ways to find out!
Here’s a simple script to help you communicate with your higher self via your Tarot cards.

Read more…

 

How to See YOUR Life in the Cards

the lovers
Housewives Tarot

This post was so much fun to write, as I got to take a trip down memory lane…

Let’s get personal. Did you know that each card in your Tarot deck symbolizes a particular event, person, place or thing in your life?
This is my simple, 3 step process for connecting to your Tarot deck and your life.

Read more…

 

The Tarot Court Cards….in bed! Part 3: The Knights

knight of pents
Crystal Visions Tarot

Writing this series has been the most fun of all, even if hardly anyone comments on these posts (I know your reading them. Google analytics doesn’t lie!). Warning: my evil twin Veronica helped me with this one…

The Knights are my FAVORITE court cards to hop into bed with! Why? Because they are essentially alpha males in training. They have all the vigor and sexual energy required of a hero in a steamy romance novel, but lack the overbearing bossiness of the Kings.

Read More…

My 4 Favorite Blog Posts of 2014 Read More »

Tarot challenge! What should Markus do?

21 Comments / December 2014, tarot challenge, Tarot Challenges, tarot practice / /

It’s time for a Tarot challenge!

Are you ready?

Okay, here’s your situation:

You are doing a Tarot reading for Markus, a smouldering hot 25 year old. Markus is an artist – he specializes in painting pixies and water nymphs and he is really quite talented. But he can’t seem to make a living from his art, so for the past five years he’s been working nights stocking shelves at a sex toy distribution company’s warehouse.

He is fairly happy in his life but his dream is to paint pixies full time and quit his night job. He asks you “how can I be more financially successful with my art?”

You draw two cards: The Hermit and the Seven of Wands.

tarot challenge markus
Crystal Visions Tarot

How would you interpret these two cards? What advice would you give Markus?

Please feel free to leave your interpretation in the comments below!

The purpose of this exercise is to practice your Tarot reading skills. Markus is just a character and situation I made up.

Click here to see how I interpreted these cards +

Markus, it's clear to me that spending time alone, meditating and pondering things will help bring about a solution for you (The Hermit). When your right in the thick of things it can be hard to see the forest through the trees and this is why you aren't sure how to make more money from your art. Get some distance and perspective from it - detach emotionally and look at your art through a different lens - a clear path will emerge eventually. Detaching might mean not taking things personally when it comes to your art, which leads me to the next card - the Seven of Wands.

The Seven of Wands shows that you are feeling defensive about this issue, like making money from your work will mean you have to be competitive or something. It also shows me that you fear attack and criticism. Perhaps part of you really fears having your art judged and critiqued and deemed unworthy. This seems to be the energy that is holding you back and creating fear for you.

The more you relax and let go of this idea, the more quickly you will earn and income from your art. Perhaps letting go of those fears will make you feel more comfortable about putting yourself out there and even networking with other artists. Again, look at The Hermit and notice how calm and detached she is - other's opinions don't define her, so she doesn't fear them.

One theme I notice is that both The Hermit and the guy in Seven of Wands are on cliffs or pedestals. The advantage of this is that you have a nice view of things - a birds eye view. The downside is that you have farther to fall. You may fear that once you attain success you could lose it, or people will judge you more harshly. It's clear you have much passionate and fiery energy around your art (Wands), but it needs to be balanced with the calm, cool and intuitive nature of The Hermit. Meditation, nature walks and reflection will help you discern the voice of your intuition from the voice of your ego so that you can let go of fear and pursue your dream with newfound energy, enthusiasm and calmness.

Tarot challenge! What should Markus do? Read More »

Trouble learning the Tarot Card Meanings? Try this!

5 Comments / September 2014, tarot practice, Tarot Tips / /

Here is a question that I often get asked:

Q: I am having trouble learning the Tarot card meanings. It’s a boring process and I can never remember the meanings. Do I really need to learn them? Or can I just learn to read “intuitively”?

A: Reading Tarot “intuitively” without first learning the structure of Tarot and the card meanings is kind of like visiting a foreign country without learning the language.

Sure you will be able to get by with charades style communication and drawing pictures, but things won’t be smooth and you will feel like a total moron! Even learning a few key words and phrases can make a world of difference.

This is what I have found to be true….

1. Tarot is like a language – its a way for you to communicate with spirit and with your Inner Self.

2. Sometimes there is real value in tossing the “traditional” Tarot meanings aside to explore the cards more deeply and engage my intuition as I interact with the card figures, symbols, etc.

But…

3. The traditional card meaning always acts as a trigger or a doorway into my inner, intuitive landscape.

doorway-crete

So while you don’t need to learn the Tarot card meanings in order to get guidance from your Tarot cards, your readings will take on a richer, more grounded quality when you do.

But if learning the Tarot card meanings feels boring to you, I suggest you vamp up the way you study your Tarot cards.

One of the techniques I love to teach is the “creating a story/character” approach.

Here’s how it works:

Step one: Choose a Tarot card that features a person.

Any court card will work good for this, as will Major arcana cards like The Magician or The Empress.

For this exercise I am going to be working with the Knight of Pentacles from the Crystal Visions Tarot.

knight of pents
Crystal Visions Tarot

Step two: Consider the traditional meaning of this card.

The Crystal Visions companion book describes the Knight of Pentacles as being “cautious, thoughtful and hardworking” with an “all work and no play” attitude.

Step three: flesh out the character by imagining other details and quirks.

I bet this Knight is the kind of guy who loves to read non-fiction and will spout off “facts” about things at dinner parties.

I suspect he’s also rather boring between the sheets.

But I also think he would make a mean apple pie and is particularly talented when it comes to making curries and casseroles and stuff like that. Yum!

Step four: Imagine a backstory & create a history for your character.

When I imagine the Knight of Pentacles as a real person, I see him working in a “safe”, repetitive job – like a factory or office.

His home life growing up was average and uninteresting, but then he met the love of his life and suddenly everything changed. He had never been happier.

But he was slow in proposing to her and she ended up running off with a rich playboy on a yacht in the Bahamas. That was years ago, but his heart still aches, so he wears a thick layer of emotional armor….etc, etc…I could go on all day.

What’s the point of all this? you may be wondering…

When we craft our own stories about the Tarot cards, we are adding our own creative spice to our studies.

Not only will you now have an easier time remembering the meaning of The Knight of Pentacles, or whatever card you chose to do this exercise with, but you will feel like you know this dude and he’s no longer a stranger on a Tarot card.

In the comments below, tell me….

What card did you pick for this exercise and what sordid personality quirks did you uncover? I can’t wait to read your response 🙂

Trouble learning the Tarot Card Meanings? Try this! Read More »

The Tarot Court Cards….In Bed! Part 2: The Pages

9 Comments / March 2014, Tarot Tips, Veronica Noir / /

Learning the Tarot Court Cards was the most challenging aspect of becoming a Tarot reader!

For me, trying to learn the Tarot Court Card meanings felt like being at a really boring party and attempting to remember the names of all the boring guests that I knew I’d never see again.

Why bother?

And yet, Court Cards kept showing up in my readings, much to my irritation. So I knew I had to buckle down and learn the little fuckers.

How did I do it? I had fun with them.

I fleshed out the characters of each Court Card in my head. And at the incessant urging of my evil twin Veronica, I forced myself to consider each and every Court Card as a sexual being.

I already presented you with the smutty side of the Tarot Queens, so now it’s time to get nasty with the Tarot Pages….

The Tarot Pages in Bed

The Pages are somewhat androgynous, which makes this all the more fun!

A Page can be either a young man or young woman. Some decks show the Pages as young women, while the Rider-Waite-Smith portrays them as youthful girly-boys.

The Pages are still finding themselves sexually and they represent the immature qualities of their suit.

The Page of Cups

Robin-Wood Tarot
Robin-Wood Tarot

Suit qualities: emotions, feelings, relationships

Personality traits: He’s spaced out and slutty!

Young, artsy, footloose and fancy-free, the Page of Cups is the ultimate sexual explorer.

Ever the opportunist, this Page sees the sexy potential in everyone and everything. He/she knows that any dorm party, sculpting class or job interview could turn into a spontaneous, erotic adventure at any moment! So he’s always prepared and ready to go.

If you ever date the Page of Cups he will be disarmingly romantic – writing you songs, painting you in the nude and reenacting the pottery wheel scene from Ghost.

But then he’ll nail your sister.

He doesn’t mean to hurt others or make them feel used, its just a natural consequence of his carefree sexual nature.

Secret fantasy: rolling around naked on a canvas covered in paint.

The Page of Wands

Hanson-Roberts Tarot
Hanson-Roberts Tarot

Suit qualities: creativity, passion, career, action

Personality traits: He’s adventurous, stupidly brave and full of energy!

The Page of Wands is so energetic in the sack that it’s irritating.

This dude can go all night, but after a while you start to get that panicky feeling like when someone has you cornered at a party and just won’t stop talking. You just want it to end!

This sexy Page is very adventurous and up for anything. No matter what bizarre sex ideas you have, this guy will try it.

He is often drawn to older women, which is a good thing because he could stand to learn a little finesse in the bedroom.

There’s more to lovemaking than just thrusting away like a high-speed sex robot. But the Page of Wands does not know this yet.

Secret fantasy: Being a powerful Sheik, surrounded by a harem of beautiful women

The Page of Pentacles

Crystal Visions Tarot
Crystal Visions Tarot

Suit qualities: money, health, home, the body

Personality traits: She’s studious, inquisitive and loves to learn

The Page of Pentacles loves to study up on everything, so naturally she is educating herself on the carnal arts!

But she prefers to read rather than do.

She may sit in a stuffy library devouring The Kama Sutra and The Joy of Sex, but she’s much too reserved to go grab some guy from the bar down the street to experiment on.

This nerdy Page is totally at home in her own body, but she’d rather sit up in a tree strumming her own Lute than join an orchestra. Promiscuous she is not!

But her fortress walls can be penetrated. Just invite her back to your place to see your antique book collection and she’ll be putty in your hands.

Secret fantasy: Seducing her Philosophy professor at the front of an empty lecture hall.

 

The Page of Swords

The Paulina Tarot
The Paulina Tarot

Suit qualities: intellect, thoughts, mind, communication

Personality traits: She’s a tad mentally unstable

This crazy gal read 50 Shades of Grey like everyone else and now pretends to be into BDSM just because its trendy.

She proudly displays her handcuffs and riding crop for all her bedroom visitors to see. Not because she’s kinky but because she wants people to think she’s dark and edgy.

The Page of Swords doesn’t realize it yet, but missionary position, vanilla sex with a generic, dentally perfect hunk is what really lights her loins on fire.

She does not yet know who she is sexually, but that’s okay. She’ll figure it out eventually. In the meantime, she’s content to half-heartedly dominate you.

Secret fantasy: Marrying a male model.

 Read all about the Tarot Knights in bed right here

Discover the Kinky Kings right here

Now it’s your turn….

Which page can you most closely relate to and why? Tell me all about it in the comments below!

The Tarot Court Cards….In Bed! Part 2: The Pages Read More »

The Tarot Court Cards….In Bed! Part One: The Queens

22 Comments / March 2014, Tarot Tips, Veronica Noir / /

I know from experience that the Court Cards can be tough to learn and remember.

Why? Because they’re boring.

Maybe that’s a bit harsh. But typically a Court Card is just a person sitting there not doing anything. Boring! How are you supposed to get anything from that?

So I turned to my evil twin Veronica (aka me after a glass of wine) for her sizzling take on the starchy royals of the Tarot.

She said that she had an easier time understanding their personas and messages once she thought of them in a sexual way. Gross! But it works…

The Tarot Queens in Bed

The Queens are the ultimate sex goddesses of the Tarot! Powerful, confident and full of womanly charms, each Queen represents the energy of her suit in it’s mature, feminine manifestation.

But lets answer the question that everyone wants to know: what are these Queens like in the boudoir?

The Queen of Cups

queen of cups tarot card
Robin Wood Tarot

Suit of Cups: emotions, feelings, relationships

Personality traits: She’s intuitive and nurturing

The Queen of Cups is a dream lover. She takes her time, savors the moment and intuitively knows exactly what you want her to do next.

She’s a true romantic and she loves to talk about feelings. Don’t think you can just shag her without some obligatory eye gazing and emotional masturbation beforehand. Be prepared.

Sappy movies like Sweet November and Hope Floats act as an instant aphrodisiac, getting her all hot and bothered.

This Queen isn’t into the one night stands but write her some poetry and she’ll be tossing her panties at you like your Tom Jones (50 years ago).

Secret fantasy: she longs to be dominated by an alpha bad-boy!

 

The Queen of Wands

crystal visions tarot
Crystal Visions Tarot

Suit of Wands: creativity, passion, career, action

Personality traits: She’s sharp, fiery and gets shit done

This lady is foxy and brimming with moxie! The Queen of Wands is passionate and driven both in and out of the bedroom.

She’s a total cougar whose always on the prowl for a younger man that she can whisk away on a sexual escapade.

If your lucky, she may invite into her closet which is full of kinky costumes, feather boas and all kinds of weirdness!

The Queen of Wands is perhaps the most exotic and adventurous of all the Queens, due to her extensive travels in foreign lands, where she has bedded countless lovers and learned all kinds of international delights.

Nothing shocks her anymore, but she is far from jaded.

Secret fantasy: teaching sexual tricks to a younger man or woman.

 

The Queen of Pentacles

fenestra tarot
Fenestra Tarot

Suit of Pentacles: money, health, home, the body

Personality traits: She’s earthy, calm and sensual

Known for her practicality and two-feet-on-the-ground persona, her sexual passion is like a slow burning fire. She’s slow to arouse, but can go all night once she gets going!

She isn’t wild or kinky, but she’s a sensual and languid lover who appreciates erotic massage, candles and good wine.

While she won’t turn down an orgy invitation, she’s more likely to sit on the sidelines eating grapes than join in on the debauchery.

Seduce her by bringing her edible, earthy gifts, like a basket of penis-shaped vegetables. She’ll get the hint!

Secret fantasy: a picnic that leads to outdoor sex in the woods.

 

The Queen of Swords

hanson-roberts tarot
Hanson-Roberts Tarot

Suit of Swords: intellect, thoughts, mind, communication

Personality traits: She’s kind of a bitch

While you may suspect the Queen of Swords to be a total killjoy in the sack, think again.

This phallus (ahem, “sword”) wielding vixen can really rock your world. After a long day of keeping her shit together she wants nothing more than to get totally wild and nasty!

She’s brainy (being of the suit of Swords), which means she loooooves to use big, smart-person words in her dirty talk. And talk dirty she does….

This Queen is icy and reserved when you meet her, but turns into a filthy little motormouth between the sheets. Who knew?!

Secret fantasy: wearing a strap-on.

Read Part 2: The Pages in Bed!

Read Part 3: Hot Tarot Knights

Read Part 4: The Kinky Kings

 

To Sum Things Up…

Looking at the Tarot Court Cards in a whole new way brings them to life!

The Tarot Court Cards are multidimensional characters and while most descriptions of them can be pretty yawn-worthy and forgettable, I guarantee you won’t soon forget the filth you just read here.

Add Your Two Cents!

In the comments below, tell me which Tarot Queen you think would make the most captivating lover and why?

The Tarot Court Cards….In Bed! Part One: The Queens Read More »